boooooo.

oh man. it sucks when u can't find anyone to attend church service with.

my mind feels so clogged up lately i thought some preaching and praying would do some help to me. so many things to think about, yet i just keep pushing them to the back of my mind. sometimes i feel that i'm in self-denial, pretending that everything is fine/will be fine, when in reality, everything just looks so gloomy and dark.

i think i'm quite good at superficiality. there are some people i can't stand or have been pissing me off. but somehow i'm quite surprised at how i can maintain a front, put on a smile, and talk to them like i'm ok with them. but trust me, in my head i'm thinking "u stupid bitch/fucker".

but then again, there are times i'll totally bo hew them and try as much as i can to avoid talking to them. coz it just pisses me off to see their face.

OR. i would just tell them off. which is what i would normally do.

ok i'm not as scary as i sound.

just that, in times like this, i'm surprised at how insenstive people can be, expecting me to think about trivial stuff when there are more important things to worry about. i seriously hate being pushed for an answer when i just DON'T FEEL like thinking about it. giving me 'pep talks' is not gonna work coz my mind doesn't work that way. it's not gonna make me jump up and go "YEAH LET'S DO IT!" sheeeesh. that only works in appropriate times, and this is definitely not one of those times. i may look like i'm listening to u but seriously, my mind's just going "zzzzz". so save your pep talks/lectures/scoldings/naggings for someone else who would listen. but if u're dying to impose your views on me, well, u can like, just talk to my hand.

sian time trials later.

yay i'm meeting the bf for lunch.