don't worry...be happy

just came back from supper with the bf at fong seng and it didn't end off too well. not that we argued or anything, but we started talking about cancers and stuff because i was just reading an article this afternoon about a woman who got diagnosed with nose cancer and survived but her husband passed away from cancer of the pancreas or something shortly after she recovered. how tragic.

for the clueless, my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer too, colon to be exact. it was certainly a trying period for my family a few months back having to cope with the sudden news and the numerous check ups my mom had to go through, the waiting of blood tests and results and what the doctors had to say. it was emotionally draining and i even told graham i wanted to quit canoeing cos i just couldn't see myself training anymore. but graham was very understanding and he told me he didn't wanna see me go and would welcome me back anytime. sigh. i miss graham. but anyway, i stopped training only for a week or so, and even made a last minute decision to join the national kayaking marathon back then with jasmine.

anyway, the main point is, talking to jeremy affected me quite abit because cancer can be really scary. and nobody cares much for it until it affects u indirectly or directly. after joan's death, stories of cancer and survivors started sprouting out from magazines and newspaper and blahblah and it really made a difference when you're reading from an outsider's point of view and one who is reading it as a person who's affected directly or indirectly. before my mom's case, stories as such didn't impact me much. i mean, when i read it, the thoughts that went through my head were stuff like "oh noooo, so poor thing" or "oh dear...so sad", but when you're actually involved, such stories can make you realized just how frightening cancer can be, and each time when i read stories of cancers, whether they are survivors or coping the loss of a loved one, it just scares me.

and it scares me not just because of my mom, but also the possibility of hereditary. my grandma had it when she was 60+, my mom got it at a relatively young age of 47, so................the trend doesn't seem to promising, does it? even the doctors were worrying for me and my brother. oh well.

and this incident also made me see the big difference between government hospitals and private hospitals. my mom first got her diagnosis from SGH, and the doctor who told her the bad news was so nonchalant about it. in fact, he told her in the face that it was "incurable".

like WTF. if i were there i would have told him to fuck off. like HELLO? where's your bloody EQ?? as a doctor, shouldn't u at least show a least bit compassion??? i'm starting to wonder the treatments patients get at govt hospitals. like seriously, he is NOT FIT to be a doctor and i despise him. even if he's like a top surgeon or whatever, he doesn't get an ounce of respect from me. fucker.

so anyway, my mom saw a specialist at Mt E instead. the doctor she's under is really, really good. he's not just a doctor who dishes out medical advices and treatments, but he genuinely cares for his patients. see? the difference between private and govt hospitals. yes, you pay more, but so what? i wouldn't mind forking out more money to someone who gives me hope and not a dead end. my mom is doing pretty well with the chemo and treatments now though she gets tired pretty often. hopefully the ordeal will be over by end of this year.

this whole incident did make me reflect on my life quite abit. i'm pretty much of a worrier and i think too much. as cliche as it may sound, life is unpredictable and we should seriously lighten up abit. i still worry from time to time about stupid things like canoeing, friendships, studies (before i graduated) and now work. but i'm really glad it brought my family alot closer together, and of cos, i'm thankful for friends around me who really cared and visited my mom at the hospital when she was warded after surgery (lam, gao and liyan, u guys rawk my world), and those who messaged me just to ask how i was doing.

and the one person whom i'm the most thankful for is none other than doctor (or soon to be) sun himself. it's not all a bed of roses to have a doctor for a boyfriend because he can get really busy, and sometimes, he knows so much about medical stuff and the human body that the more he tells me, the more i worry for my mom and myself. but then again, it's these same aspects that also made things alot easier for my family because he can help clarify some doubts. in fact, he even went for consultations with my mom so that he could help explain medical terminologies that she doesn't understand. plus, he was really by my side through my emotional rollercoasters and not one time did he complain when i threw tantrums, which was pretty frequent (whoops). and i do hope he doesn't become a dumbfuck doctor like the one at SGH.

so anyway, this entry is pretty lengthy. but to anyone out there who's worrying about something in life, i think you should just sit back and chill. be thankful of where you are today, of the people who cares around you, take time off and spend it with your family, eat healthy (i shall stop eating lard) and stay positive! as difficult as it may be, we should learn to forgive and forget life's petty moments. and of cos, keep the faith and continue to trust in Him :)

ok i need to pack my bag for my trip. hee abit anti-climax.