Looking forward to 2008

this year has been really, really bad, esp in the last 2 month or so. deaths after deaths, misfortunes after misfortunes, accidents after accidents. basically, it seemed like every other day i'm receiving bad news from people around me, close to me, dear to me.

and it affects me a great deal, considering my mom left us not too long ago. morbidly, i feel like i'm not dealing with this alone. but yet sadness overwhelms me that this world just doesn't seem like such a fun place to live in anymore.

or maybe it's just the age we've reached, where it's about time for the older generation to pass on, so it just seemed that there are more deaths lately. afterall, everyone has an expiry date. but then again, it doesn't explain why young, innocent lives such as the dragonboaters are lost, just like that. a sign of impending doom, that the world is coming to an end soon?

these past weeks have been tough, with ups and downs. there are times i feel like life has to move on, and everything seemed fine. but sometimes, depression just sets in and i'll miss my mom terribly. just last week, i collected my mom's things from her office, and chanced upon all the birthday and mother's day cards that i've made/bought/written for her since my primary school days. to know that she has kept every one of them touched my heart deeply, and i couldn't stop crying.

but yet, my mom's death kinda heightened my awareness of life and taught me some valuable lessons, that everybody has to leave one day, that death isn't really a scary thing. afterall, i do believe in life after death, and i believe i would meet my mom again someday, with so much catching up to do, even though she probably already knows everything, having watched us from above. and as i'm spending more time at home now with my dad, i realized how much i love him. fathers usually tend to show their care by doing things behind our back for us, not as openly as mothers do. but now as i'm more aware of the things he has done for us, makes me appreciate him so much more. and i'm so much closer to my brothers now, that i enjoy just hanging out with them. i guess it's true that at the end of it, family ties are still the strongest of them all.

and through this period of time, i'm grateful for the friends around me, for the concern they have shown. and it just makes me realize, in some weird sense, that amidst the storm, i'm truly blessed to have such wonderful people around me.

i guess God does works in funny ways sometimes that we cannot comprehend. though i've lost someone dear to me, i've learnt and gained much more valuable insights that i would not have if none of these happened, to appreciate my family, and know who my friends really are and how much i mean to them.

i have been talking so much more to gao and liyan, and i realized how much i really, really miss them. and i'm also looking forward to lam's return. i love u all :) and to people like dom, keen, bill, gujin and zhuhao who has to entertain my morbidity on msn when i'm bored, a big thank you too :)

and of cos, to know that i am truly in good hands of jeremy sun, brings me comfort that he will help me get through this, that there will indeed be sunshine after the rain. i love you baby.

5 more weeks to go.

"As we turn our eyes to the Lord in times of pain and struggle, we will experience His comfort and hope in our daily lives. He will help us see everything clearly again"

to those who have passed on, rest in peace.