i don't know why....but of late, i've been feeling kinda....blah. it's just a feeling of numbness, neither happy nor in depression. it's just unexplainable.
people have told me i've led a rather fortunate life. blessed with a wonderful family, loving bf, great friends, decent career and a not too shabby lifestyle.
so why am i feeling the blues? i just can't put a finger to it.
is it cos i'm still missing my mom? it's been only 6 mths and though we're all pretty much moving on, there's still a reminder of her absence every now and then. i used to look at photographs of her and feel a tinge of heartache. but now, it's just wishyouwereherebutlifehastogoon kinda feeling. good or bad, i dunno. maybe i'm just getting immuned to the tragedy of life in general.
maybe that's why i'm feeling the blues. flash forward my life and i'm thinking, wtf am i living for? no, i'm not suicidal. i just feel, with all the shitty quotes like live life to the fullest, carpe diam, etc......is life really all that interesting to look forward to? as morbid as i may sound, i could potentially end up in the same fate as my mom, passing on just before 50 since cancer is somewhat genetic. which gives me what, another 25 yrs or less to live life to the fullest? somehow, i just don't feel the sense of urgency to seize the day, travelling around the world in 80 days, bungee jumping or telling everyone how much i love them. i feel like i'm just floating along life, jaded by unfortunate happenings around me, emphasizing on the misery of life.
reading the newspapers just adds to my point, the recent tragedy being the bong family killed in a car accident, survived by only a baby girl who has no idea wtf happened. or the ex business times editor who passed on suddenly from a massive heart attack at the mere age of 41, with no symptoms at all. or the 27 yr old ex ntu canoeist who drowned while swimming in a 1.2m deep pool, leaving behind a wife whom he just got engaged to barely a year ago and even bought a house. so tell me, what is the meaning of life?
and before you preachers out there start sending your pastors knocking on my door, pls don't. i'm not doubting God's plans. as cynic as i may sound, i still have some form of faith left. somewhere in my toes perhaps. and no, i'm not mocking. maybe in the future my tombstone will read: life is the pits. join me down under(no i don't mean aust)!
oh well. i guess life is never smooth sailing. what makes u weak can only make you stronger.
i just need to really convince myself of that.
people have told me i've led a rather fortunate life. blessed with a wonderful family, loving bf, great friends, decent career and a not too shabby lifestyle.
so why am i feeling the blues? i just can't put a finger to it.
is it cos i'm still missing my mom? it's been only 6 mths and though we're all pretty much moving on, there's still a reminder of her absence every now and then. i used to look at photographs of her and feel a tinge of heartache. but now, it's just wishyouwereherebutlifehastogoon kinda feeling. good or bad, i dunno. maybe i'm just getting immuned to the tragedy of life in general.
maybe that's why i'm feeling the blues. flash forward my life and i'm thinking, wtf am i living for? no, i'm not suicidal. i just feel, with all the shitty quotes like live life to the fullest, carpe diam, etc......is life really all that interesting to look forward to? as morbid as i may sound, i could potentially end up in the same fate as my mom, passing on just before 50 since cancer is somewhat genetic. which gives me what, another 25 yrs or less to live life to the fullest? somehow, i just don't feel the sense of urgency to seize the day, travelling around the world in 80 days, bungee jumping or telling everyone how much i love them. i feel like i'm just floating along life, jaded by unfortunate happenings around me, emphasizing on the misery of life.
reading the newspapers just adds to my point, the recent tragedy being the bong family killed in a car accident, survived by only a baby girl who has no idea wtf happened. or the ex business times editor who passed on suddenly from a massive heart attack at the mere age of 41, with no symptoms at all. or the 27 yr old ex ntu canoeist who drowned while swimming in a 1.2m deep pool, leaving behind a wife whom he just got engaged to barely a year ago and even bought a house. so tell me, what is the meaning of life?
and before you preachers out there start sending your pastors knocking on my door, pls don't. i'm not doubting God's plans. as cynic as i may sound, i still have some form of faith left. somewhere in my toes perhaps. and no, i'm not mocking. maybe in the future my tombstone will read: life is the pits. join me down under(no i don't mean aust)!
oh well. i guess life is never smooth sailing. what makes u weak can only make you stronger.
i just need to really convince myself of that.
by the way. meet my new best friend:
i love u liyan! :) u've officially been promoted! hurs.
oh well. tmr will be a better day.
3 comments:
yayy... ;)
shit man, i get days like that too. and the worst part is i take it out on pple who try to cheer me up...err..like Chian.
Though i can't say i know exactly how you feel, i can say that some days definitely just suck.
Well, what to do... Hope things turn out better for you soon.
haha yeah. our poor other halves rite :p
oh well jus gotta suck thumb n move along! :)
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