pwetty, pwetty fireworks!

just came back from watching fireworks in NUS. it wasn't too bad. quite pretty actually! lasted like 5 mins or so. can't expect much la, afterall it's held on schoolgrounds. we saw nathan too! how funky.

went with jeremy, gao, reina, reina's sister and her bf. it was quite fun coz they're really nice and funny people.

went for marathon training and mr goh, the coach, wasn't there so he left jiansheng in charge. it was quite amusing coz those who turned up for training today were all NUS people. so it was kinda like a normal NUS training. haha. n i was the only girl there so i decided to do my own program. i did mileage so i paddled like 12km and in that 12km, i started to think about everything, me and keen and the whole r/ship.

i've decided to move on. afterall, this is only my first r/ship. no pt trying too hard to save. sure, there may be happy memories. but i'm sure i can create happy memories in my next r/ship too. like wat karen from liquid kitchen said, "you should give other guys a chance to make u happy too". What audrey said was true too. i'm probably holding on coz of the fact that it is 4 yrs. and the happy memories too i guess. but which r/ship doesn't have happy memories? i had bad ones with keen too. oh well. i can't say that i still love keen after all that has happened. but i can't deny i still feel for him.

but i guess i should move on. i would very much like to keep him as a friend though. coz he's the only guy who noes me really well. it would be nice for us to be best friends. but maybe not for now, maybe when i'm totally over him. i think we make better friends than a couple. and for what he has done, hurting me and choosing lydia over me when he claimed i was the love of his life, i can't bring myself to trust him anymore and it's not worth saving.

it reminds me of this scene from FRIENDS, season 10 1st episode i think, the one where joey 'accidentally' proposed to rachel, when the ring actually belonged to ross and phobe was urging him to propose. ross refused coz he thinks things r fine the way they were n he didn't wanna complicate things. but phobe said something like if he tries to work things out, he could actually have what he has always wanted with rachel, that is, have a baby with her n start a family.

not that keen wants to start a family with me n have a baby la. but it's kind of a similar scenario placed infront of him. he told me i was the love of his life and that he could never forget me. n that even if he were to date, he will still be thinking of me. and that he would do anything to have me back and recreate the happy memories that we both had.

so now, he has a choice to have me back. and have what he has always wanted. he is given this option. but yet, he chooses not to. *sigh* heartbreaking isn't it? wonder how much of what he said is actually true.

oh well. i'm gonna try to forget him for now and open my options. i've actually cleared my room of his things. maybe one day if we ever get back together i'll take them out again. so drama right. for now, they're hiding in my cupboard which i rarely open.

so yup, these were things i pondered on while paddling my 12km. it took around an hr or so? and i decided to not be stupid. i guess here and there i'll still think of him but im gonna force myself not to. i still like his mom though so maybe i'll visit her, coz she was really nice to me throughout the 4 years i was with him. and his ah ma too. so yah, i'll visit them when he's not around. maybe visit his room too and pack for him or something. he has been complaining that it's been really messy. tsk. that silly boy. always pack already then after awhile become so messy.

anyway, after training i went with jerm for dinner. i kinda missed eating seafood platter at fish n co so he decided to bring me there. we went to the one opp PS. never been to that outlet b4. it was quite nice coz there was a live band too and it was playing all the love songs. but the platter wasn't too good. i think the nicer ones i've taken was one at Novena sq outlet and another one at Tampines mall. both times with keen. this one wasn't too good cos it was served slightly cold. eeeyer. anyway when i ate it with keen, we usually replaced the mussels with calamari coz we both hated mussels. but jeremy eats them. he eats everything. haha. wat a pig. according to him, one must be spontaneous and adventurous so he made me eat one. YUCKS. hahaha. it was like soft n mushy. he was quite sweet la. he peeled all the prawns for me. haha. something which keen never did. everytime my plate was empty, he would peel a prawn and give it to me. awwww. i think i ate more prawns than him. hee. whooops.

after that we walked around abit and it was quite fun. he knew i was sad so he did silly things to make me smile. :) we talked alot abt cars. i'm impressed with his knowledge of cars. and he said when he gets his first sports car i would be his first passenger. yay. he thinks he can afford one by age 30. ahhaha. ok la thats around 7 more years. i think he wants the nissan fairlady. i don't really like leh! the backside damn squarish. hahaha.not like i get to decide. and when we were driving back to nus for the firework display, the song 'you and me' by lifehouse started playing and i felt this tinge of sadness in me. then i heard jeremy singing it. his voice is seriously damn nice and i was really impressed. but i didn't say anything la coz i knew if i did he'll just stop singing lor. that twit. i love hearing him sing. it gives me this therapeutic feeling. haha.

it's really strange. when i feel sad abt keen, i will meet up with my close friends like gao, lam and nio to just talk about it coz i needed to let it out. but somehow with jeremy it's different. he's supposed to be my good friend, yet when i meet him, i don't talk to him about my problems. only sometimes if i feel like it. somehow, i just dun seem to feel that sad anymore. n it makes me forget my problems for awhile. hmmmm. how weird. i noe he will listen and cares but with him, i just seem to forget everything.

hmmm. sometimes, i feel that we're both holding back. like we wanna tell each other how we feel, but yet we dare not. and we're both afraid to make the first move. haha. weird weird feeling. hmm. now that i have no keen holding me back, i think maybe i should give this a chance for it to develop. after all jeremy's really a sweet guy. i like hearing his doctor stories and the stuff he does with patients. it's really cool. oh wellllll. see how things goes. i'm just damn confused now n my feelings are like on this rollercoaster ride. up and down. sian.

hmmm suddenly i miss jeremy.

ok i'm gonna try and look forward and not look back. TRY la. =p