...the time trials is overrrrrrrr. wheee. the fastest pair obviously gets to go perth. me n nio weren't the fastest. we came in 2nd actually. right after the sprint pair andrea and shiyun. but not surprising la. they're really damn zai. for the guys it was expected jeremy and jiansheng. n they were like really ahead of everybody else. so proud of them. at least they did the marathon team proud.
so many things have happened in these few days, ever since gujin told me he likes me. feel kinda weird abt it but yet it was a pleasant surprise. haha shall write about it some other day when i'm feeling less tired. the trials this morning was really damn draining. really glad its over. no more time trials everrr. at least not for the next few weeks.
sian tmr i have to fix the stupid footstraps. thank goodness for jeremy and wenyang if not i'll be really lost. and jeremy's been really nice to accompany me all around n help me with the measurements of the footstraps. my parents weren't home today so he came over to pei wo and fix my comp. there has been alot of funny pop ups lately and the norton scan thingy keeps telling me there's viruses in my comp. so he decided to take a look at it. and he did manage to fix it. yayyyy no more irritating pop ups! :)
anyway my parents came back halfway so it was quite funny. i think he was abit pai seh to meet my mom. haha. he stayed till around 6+ and went home for dinner. lucky my mom wasn't around when he left. it'll be damn weird if she ask him to stay for dinner.
met keen at SDBA today too while we were shifting boats. supposed to hang out sometime soon but never gotten round to arranging it. oh well. talked a little to him online just now and somehow, there's still some hint of animosity and bitterness. but like i said, he can't expect me to be waiting n moping forever while he's happily attached. it's just damn retarded la. i mean yes, here n there i still get reminded of him n get flashbacks when i see certain things, but isn't that normal? a 4 yr r/ship can't be forgotten in just a matter of mths. and i dun intend to forget it too. afterall, it did play a huge role in my life, both him and the r/ship, and there were definitely happy memories about it which i would wanna keep. but at the end of it, he moved on and i have to too.
i guess in a way, earlier on when he still didn't get attach, i still wasn't sure what i wanted. i didn't want to make promises and neither did i ask him to wait. but i guess i didn't expect him to get attached so quickly. maybe a part of me thought he would do a lam or junior and choose to wait. then one day he suddenly tells me he's 'kind of' attached to this lydia girl already and it was like SHIT. i started panicking coz the thought of losing him forever crossed my mind. i guess that's why i wanted to work things out and deep down i thought he would relent and agree. but he told me in the face it's too late and even ignored my smses for the next couple of days. i felt damn shitty and all la and i talked abit to gao and nio. seriously, without the 2 of them i'll just die man. but yeah, eventually i decided to just come to my senses and learn to let go. which means, no more being unsure and looking backwards. just let go and move on. maybe that's when i decided to be more receptive and jeremy started coming into the picture.
but during that period i still had foolish moments with keen coz he called me up a few times and started telling me stuff like he was confused too. that period was really damn emotionally draining man. and i just couldn't help it coz i still had soft spots for him and all la. oh well. can't be help. thank god i came to my senses eventually and decided that i was done being silly and things became better. he blocked me for awhile n i guess that did help me move on alot faster too by not talking too much to him.
oh well. things r getting slightly better again for the both of us. like can talk abit more normally and i don't really feel that much resentment already towards him and his gf. i actually feel pretty much ok when he talks abt his gf. i don't think i can say i'm over him completely but at least i'm slowly coming to terms that it's over between us coz he's pretty much happy with lydia so i should be happy for him too. no point feeling bitter or resentful or trying to be a third party. damn weird that i'm calling myself a 3rd party la.
sigh.
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